Coming this month:
February 1: A high-budget fantasy series based on a book your weird cousin in Tucson was obsessed with fifteen years ago.
February 4: A reality dating show filmed on a tropical island where everyone sleeps in the same room and the entire concept seems to revolve around subjecting the contestants to as much psychological torture as possible.
February 6: The latest season of a prestige drama whose new seasons feel like they are being released in five-to-seven year intervals.
February 8: A decades-old, mid-budget movie featuring Harrison Ford in such a small role that, when he appears, makes you go, “Wait, is that Harrison Ford?”
February 15: The third installment in a six-part movie franchise, but none of the other five installments for some reason.
February 17: A classic eighties movie that’s super problematic by modern standards but somehow seems to have avoided any cancel-culture debate.
February 19: A documentary exposé on an industry that you always knew was kind of bad but preferred not to think about.
February 22: All twelve seasons of a show you’ve never heard of but that your parents have been watching religiously since 2011.
February 25: A standup special by a male comic past his prime called something like “They Couldn’t Get Rid of Me That Easily” but is mostly erectile-dysfunction jokes.
February 28: A reboot of a beloved movie reimagined as a ten-episode series that you were pretty sure wasn’t going to work and, it turns out, it didn’t.
Leaving this month:
February 1: The show that made you sign up for this streaming platform in the first place.
February 3: The early-two-thousands sitcom you keep rewatching because it’s so easy to put on and not mentally engage with.
February 5: The food and travel show you put on when even the early-two-thousands sitcom is a little too much to handle.
February 10: An amazing show with a diverse cast that you would have watched but never heard about because someone with an M.B.A. at the company refused to spend even a nickel marketing it.
February 15: The fourth installment of a different six-part movie franchise, but the other five installments will remain on the platform for some reason.
February 17: A classic show that you just started getting into and will now have to binge all eleven seasons of in six days.
February 20: A show that your kids love that you are now going to have to move mountains to find DVD copies of.
February 26: “Frasier,” but it’s fine, because “Frasier” has somehow ended up on basically every major streaming platform.
February 27: A popular show that’s moving to a new, niche streaming platform called something like Fupi or MTV+ in an attempt to convince people to pay $5.99 a month for yet another mediocre streaming service.
February 28: A show you really like whose removal finally makes you say, “Screw it, I’m switching back to cable.” ♦