The Punch-Card Graveyard

The Smoothie Place at the Gym

In an optimistic move, you grabbed a loyalty card before the first exercise class you took. Interestingly, no holes have been punched here, because you left the gym during the class’s warmup, when your smart watch started beeping and saying that you were legally dead.

Seven Cards from the Same Coffee Place

You have seven copies of this card with one punch in each of them, because you forget your wallet every time you run out to grab a latte. You could’ve had at least one free drink by now, but the shop prohibits combining punch cards. This rule is written in size-two font on all seven cards, partially punched out.


This was accidentally punched because you were so relaxed after getting a massage that you handed the spa your MetroCard instead of your rewards card. The stress of realizing what had just happened undid all the benefits of the massage.

An Impossibly High Number of Punches for One Free Candle

You get a punch only with a purchase of fifty dollars or more, and you need thirty of them. This card can be used as a barometer for your mental health. If this card is ever redeemable, then you’ve got a big problem.

Radio Shack

Your first ever punch card (vintage!), from the town in which you grew up. You checked, and its online store no longer offers the “10% off electronics or one free iPod Shuffle” that the card promises.


Your only fully punched punch card is so waterlogged (God, I hope that’s water) that you don’t even know where to redeem it.

Oil Change

Absolutely no punches on this one. That explains the service light on your dashboard! Don’t tell your dad.

Grocery-Store Rewards Card

A grocery-store loyalty card that you always accidentally swipe through the subway turnstile. A cop almost arrested you once, but turns out he’s a fan of the store. This isn’t technically a punch card, but, regardless, it will never get used correctly.

Dog Grooming

From before you found out that your small dog was actually a huge cat. That’s why he hated baths so much! ♦

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