Reasons for Your Rent Increase

By now, your landlord has informed you that your rent is being raised. No improvements have been made to your unit, yet rent is going up the price of a new iPad, possibly three iPads. Your fridge door still has a broken handle, the kitchen sink still leaks, but the lease gives management another twelve months to not fix things. Landlords don’t have to explain why they’re making you fork over the extra scratch, but here are the reasons for the rent hike.

Lobby Decorations

The Halloween poster next to the mailboxes will put you in the spooky spirit. You’d forgotten that it’s almost Halloween, but then you saw that crooked “trick-or-treat” sign. Every time it falls down, somebody picks it up and tapes it back on the wall, just as crooked as before! Many apartments don’t have tenants who pay such close attention to detail.

Video Security

This apartment is upgrading its security system. Technology is being installed so that you can know at exactly what time your packages were stolen. You won’t get them back, nor will the thief be brought to justice, but new cameras will allow you to witness your belongings being snatched in HD.

Proximity to Your Friend’s Cooler Apartment

Appreciate how close you live to your buddy. You’re just a few steps away from her much nicer, more spacious, and somehow less expensive apartment. Your friend’s one-bedroom with a balcony gives you hope that one day you’ll live somewhere with real amenities and reasonable rent.

Singing Neighbor

Your neighbor sings loudly at inconvenient times. But doesn’t he sound just like Robin Thicke? He’s hitting every note! You couldn’t hit those high Cs. Give him some credit. The thin walls are a blessing in disguise. Plus, the loud singing pairs perfectly with the percussion provided by your noisy heater.

Roof Views

The roof offers you a clear view of the adjacent church’s attic. But peer more closely into the attic. You can see through to the attic’s far window. Squint a little harder. On the other side of it, you’ll notice skyscrapers in the distance! It’s the least obstructed view you’ve ever had.

Laundry Room

Are you going to spend all night wondering who took your clothes out of the dryer or be grateful that nobody stole them? The glass is half full. Even though a stranger did just touch your freshly cleaned fabrics, all undergarments are dry and accounted for.

Booming Night Life

There’s so much to do after hours near your apartment. You can go down the street to the bar; you can stay inside and hear everything happening at the bar; or you can hear bar arguments being dragged out into the street while you’re trying to sleep. No matter which you choose, all that drunken screaming means that you’re in the mix.

Cell Reception

The cell reception in your bedroom is spotty. The best way to be heard on phone calls is to make them in the kitchen. On the other hand, you hate talking on the phone. Your poor bedroom reception is the perfect excuse for avoiding that communication thing you hate.

Selfie Lighting

You think that if you were in a different bathroom taking selfies, you’d get as many Instagram likes? It’s half the angle, half the lighting. Don’t take those fluorescent bulbs for granted. ♦

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