CHEYENNE, WYOMING (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump became enraged after a visibly inebriated Rudolph Giuliani held a press conference in which he called the G.O.P. primary in Wyoming “rigged” and demanded a recount.
Trump had been celebrating the defeat of his nemesis, Representative Liz Cheney, when Giuliani popped up on TV, claiming “widespread fraud and abuse” in the Wyoming vote.
Giuliani, wobbling from side to side and slurring his words, made the allegations in the parking lot of Ritz-Carlton Total Cattle Feed, an establishment on the outskirts of Cheyenne.
As the former mayor of New York spewed his tirade, Trump threw a bottle of ketchup at the TV screen, turning Guiliani’s televised image into a hideous mélange of dripping red condiment and dark-brown hair dye.
Reportedly, the former President is now hoping that Georgia’s probe of the 2020 election will result in legal jeopardy for his erstwhile attorney. “Lock him up,” Trump was heard muttering.