WASHNGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a vehement defense of the former President, Tucker Carlson said that Donald J. Trump’s possible theft of nuclear secrets “pales in comparison” with Hunter Biden’s possible use of his father’s Netflix password.
“Let’s be clear: we don’t know if Trump stole nuclear secrets, and we don’t know if Hunter stole his dad’s Netflix password,” the Fox News host said. “But, if both of these things happened, what Hunter did was far worse.”
Expanding on his argument, Carlson said, “No one knows what Trump would do, if anything, with nuclear secrets. But Hunter Biden could have only one use for his father’s Netflix password: illegally obtaining streaming content for free.”
“If Hunter did this, he must be punished to the fullest extent of the law,” he added.
Carlson demanded that Attorney General Merrick Garland drop the investigation into Trump’s possession of classified documents and probe Hunter Biden’s possible use of an ill-gotten Netflix password “immediately.”
“It’s time to do your job, Merrick Garland,” he said. “Every time Hunter watches ‘Stranger Things’ for free, our democracy is threatened.”