PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—F.B.I. agents swarming over Donald J. Trump’s Florida estate reported that they have so far been unable to locate the health-care plan that he had promised to deliver while President.
“Trump said that the plan was terrific and beautiful and far better than Obamacare,” Harland Dorrinson, the lead F.B.I. agent searching the estate, said. “If we could get our hands on it, that would be a game changer for our country.”
Agents cracked open the former President’s safe but were frustrated in their attempts to find any documents with the words “health” or “care” in them.
“It’s got to be around here somewhere,” one F.B.I. agent said.
As of late Monday night, a Bureau spokesman indicated that the agents had also been unable to find a prescription-drug plan, an infrastructure plan, or the framework for a peace treaty with North Korea.