WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Supreme Court’s decision to curtail the E.P.A.’s ability to regulate carbon dioxide has drawn a puzzled reaction from the nation’s fetuses.
A statement from the Association of American Fetuses expressed “bafflement” that the Court would issue a ruling that increased the amount of atmospheric carbon monoxide, which has been shown to have a damaging effect on fetal health.
“It’s impossible for us to see today’s ruling as anything but flagrantly anti-fetus,” the statement read. “To say that we fetuses are disappointed would be putting it mildly.”
The fetuses asked John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Amy Coney Barrett, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, and Neil Gorsuch to reconsider their ruling in the E.P.A. case. “It just doesn’t seem very pro-life to us,” the fetuses said.