Alexis, West Palm Beach
“In The Hague, they call me a war criminal for violating Article V of the Geneva Convention. But in Florida they just call me fabulous.”
Delia, Greenwich
“The only thing fake about me is my sense of human compassion.”
Tiffany, Evanston
“Embezzling is what I do, but being a sexy wife, an exceptional mother, and one hell of a real-estate agent is who I am.”
Eileen, Anchorage
“Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend—a good lawyer is.”
Marybeth, Boise
“Leading a cult has never looked this chic.”
Trishelle, Branson
“I’m a felony wrapped in a misdemeanor wrapped in a probationary hearing in the state of Kentucky—and a whole lotta sass.”
Victoria, Scarsdale
“Just because I’m a neo-Nazi, doesn’t mean I can’t be America’s sweetheart.”
June Diane, Boca Raton
“I’m like a pet panther—gorgeous, sleek, and illegal to have in a home with small children.”
Lucinda, El Paso
“My house? I own it. My car? I own it. Being a two-time convicted sex offender? Honey, I own it, too.”
Rosemary, Indianapolis
“I’m as real as the battery charges filed against me in three different states.”
Arleen, Amarillo
“The judge might find me innocent, but I know I’m guilty—of being a great mom.”
Helena, Vail
“Money can’t buy you class, but it can post bail.”
Stacey, Phoenix
“I made a name for myself bankrupting retirees. Now I’m ready to show America my other side: loving wife.”
Darnelle, Little Rock
“I’m not just the H.B.I.C. of Pulaski County—I’m also the H.B.I.C. of the F.B.I.’s most-watched white-nationalist organization.”
Denise, Houston
“When you’re the world’s wealthiest arms manufacturer, your outfits aren’t the only things in your closet that slay.”
Lizzie, Sonoma
“Innocence may be priceless, but my house is worth even more.”
Lisa, Honolulu
“You know what? They’re right. I should be in jail—because looking this good should be a crime.”
Mystique, Jersey City
“What you say I lack in morals I make up for in cash and a collection of unbelievable wigs.”
Aviva, Bel Air
“With a body like mine, you know the only assets I have that are subprime are the ones being bailed out by the United States government.”
Crystal, Ypsilanti
“My pyramid scheme may have collapsed, but, baby, I’m still standing.”
Anastasia, Amagansett
“You can call me a girl boss or a grifter—the critics call me TV gold.”