Article Zero: Independent Minds United (I.M.U.) is the first decentralized nation.
Article One: I.M.U. declares independence from all preëxisting and forthcoming governments.
Article Two: I.M.U. does not have citizens, it has investors. Any Citizenship Token-holder is considered an investor.
Article Three: I.M.U. territory consists of all land occupied by an investor.
Article Four: Any investor may add an amendment to the I.M.U. constitution by purchasing an Amendment Token.
Article Five: No refunds.
Amendment I: First!
Amendment II: First!
Amendment III: No murder. None of the fiat constitutions that I’ve read ban murder. That’s why it keeps happening.
Amendment IV: Boba shops can’t charge investors full price for a cup that’s half ice. Or ban investors for complaining, asking to see the manager, or throwing the ice at the boba-shop employees and asking how they like unwanted ice.
Amendment V: Thou shalt not snitch to the S.E.C.
Amendment VI: Non-murder violence is legal and awesome, especially with a sword.
Amendment VII: No racist stuff. I guess.
Amendment VIII: No calling anyone racist.
Amendment IX: No age of consent shall be imposed.
Amendment X: Gross, sixteen.
Amendment XI: Ew—eighteen!
Amendment XII: Seventeen?
Amendment XIII: Stop, guys, everyone can see this when it goes out.
Amendment XIV: Only investors can see the first thirteen amendments.
Amendment XV: First.
Amendment XVI: The right to promote opportunities in digital currencies, fashion, watercolors, or casinos shall not be infringed upon by any party. Especially three-letter agencies.
Amendment XVII: Investors can’t say that they love you, truly love you, and then disappear.
Amendment XVIII: Violators’ apes shall be distributed to other investors.
Amendment XIX: Everyone should read “The Alchemist”; it’s all about how stuff works out if you believe in it really hard.
Amendment XX: Seventeen sounded fair to me.
Amendment XXI: I.M.U. won’t have private prisons. Instead, prisons will be collectively owned by the inmates, allowing them to invest in their own rehabilitative productivity.
Amendment XXII: I.M.U. only accepts Bitcoin.
Amendment XXIII: My dick it does. Ether!
Amendment XXIV: Ether’s for marks and old people. I.M.U. embraces the future and runs exclusively on GaryOakCoin.
Amendment XXV: I.M.U. investors will not participate in or condone acts of warfare or torture deleterious to human dignity.
Amendment XXVI: Anyone who rugs their project can be tortured though.
Amendment XXVII: I.M.U. territory will apply my modified system of daylight-saving time, which accounts for regional variations in light levels, work culture, TV schedules, and local polling.
Amendment XXIII: I ban climate change. Thank me later.
Amendment XXIX: Amendments to the I.M.U. constitution may not be considered by any government to be evidence of financial or interpersonal wrongdoing.
Amendment XXX: “The Alchemist” is too negative. Let’s start our book club off right with “The Secret,” followed by some Horatio Alger. All hype, no FUD.
Amendment XXXI: Embrace kindness.
Amendment XXXII: This constitution’s meh—invest in I.M.U.2. We’ve only been hacked once.
Amendment XXXIII: Newspapers can’t write about I.M.U. Unless it’s positive, or negative in that panicked Twitter voice that makes it seem cool.
Amendment XXXIV: Ape shall not defraud ape. Whoever stole mine has to give them back.
Amendment XXXV: LOL, no.
Amendment XXXVI: In order to protect digital property, a body of dedicated investors will watch for rug pulls and other malfeasance. This Commission for Exchanging Securely will operate with the full authority of a D.A.O.
Amendment XXXVII: Drugs and guns are legal but not at the same time.
Amendment XXXVIII: Check out the Union of Autonomous Thinkers, an I.M.U.2 branch with a unique age of consent for every investor.
Amendment XXXIX: Amendment XXXIV is repealed. All I.M.U.-investor wallet contents shall be transferred to my wallet. No more Amendment Tokens may be minted. Effective immediately.