What should I have for breakfast this morning?
- Lobster chunks in champagne
- Blood transfusion
- Cocoa Puffs
What should I name my next child?
- ExxonMobil
- SCHEDULE 13D/A, S.E.C. ACT of 1934
- 69xxx
Should I pay taxes? Too late for this year, but a thought experiment for going forward.
What should the inflation rate be in the next decade? Just to be clear, I have control over it. Think carefully before responding—I will be acting on this poll.
- Five per cent
- Fifteen per cent
- Thirty per cent
Is Twitter dead?
Am I dead?
- LOL JK I’ll never die. I’ve invested eight billion dollars in curing death.
Do you consider me to be more of a science genius or a business genius? I’m both, but I’m curious what you think.
- Science
- Business
- Both, which is the correct answer
Don’t I look cool when I’m smoking weed?
Should I hire someone funnier than I am to write these polls for me?
Aren’t my sunglasses quite cool?
Should I start referring to the top and bottom answers in these polls as “North Pole” and “South Pole”?
Did everybody get the joke I made in my last tweet?
Should I start tagging my joke tweets with #joke? Because I feel like some of you aren’t getting them.
It was a play on “pole” and “poll.”
- Ha ha
- LMFAO
Who’s the best-looking tech C.E.O.?
- Elon
- Jeff Bezos
- Me
- Mark Zuckerberg
- Elon
Should we let Trump back on Twitter?
Too bad. I already decided that I will, because chaos, rage, and misinformation are good for engagement. Oh, shit, this was a note-to-self. Can somebody remove this poll?
Is “Kendall Roy-esque” a compliment? Because I’ve been hearing it a lot.
Did you respect me more or less after I yelled at Taylor Swift for not tweeting enough?
- More
- Less
- No change, because I already respected you the maximum amount
Do people think we’ll be on Mars in 2032?
- Joke’s on you. I’m already there! #joke
Was Falcon a cool name? Sorry, sorry, wasn’t Falcon a cool name?
Was offering to buy Twitter a mistake?
Wait, does everyone think I paid Time to make me Person of the Year?
- Yes
- No
- I didn’t!!!
Why do you, personally, not follow me?
- Too many tweets
- Not enough thirst traps
- Didn’t know you were on Twitter
Why do you, personally, h8 me?
- Not enough thirst traps
Would you guys even follow me if not for the rocket-ship thing?
- Yes
- No
- What rocket-ship thing? #joke
Does anybody like me?